Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
