She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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