I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
