So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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