Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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