why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
