STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
