Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She is in my trunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
