This is not my ceiling
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
