you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
