So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
