I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
