I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
third nipple confirmed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
