Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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