can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
