Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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