Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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