so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
