I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
