What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
