Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
