I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
