End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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