How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
