I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
