So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
