You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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