i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
