I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
