So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I faked an abortion last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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