i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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