you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
