There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
