I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
