So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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