In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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