It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
