Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
