I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
