Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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