I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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