just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
