He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
