I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
