2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So vagazzling was a success
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
