After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
