oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
