i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
