I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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