Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They took my balls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
